Monster Party (There is no party…)

Name: Monster Party

System: NES

Release Date: June 1989

Status: DEFEATED! January 17, 2017

What’s the worst party you’ve ever been to? An aged relative’s birthday who insists on calling you Trevor regardless of your protests? A Smirnoff Ice chug-a-thon in a friend’s unfinished basement? The Republican Party? Well, step aside, because literally the worst party is Monster Party for the NES.

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Look at all these Universal Studio Monster copyright infringements! They can’t wait to start partying! The Creature from the Black Lagoon is about to tell you about all the different types of dip he got on sale at Costco! Dracula is just smirking like a dick, and look! It’s that plant from Little Shop of Horrors! SO RETRO! But don’t be fooled! Let me explain:

The story begins with a boy named Mark walking home late one night after a baseball game, when he looks up and sees a star getting bigger and bigger! This causes him to become moist….

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MOIST

Turns out the star is actually an alien monster named Bert! Bert tells Mark that he needs his help to save his planet from evil monsters! Satisfied that the first person he met is obviously the right choice, Bert flies away with Mark to his planet. This is also known as kidnapping. Mark has put a bit more thought into this however. “I’m afraid to fight the Monsters!” he tells Bert. Bert reassures Mark by saying, “My planet is dangerous, so we must act together!”

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LITERALLY?????

And so your adventure begins right after Bert enters Mark! You control Mark through 8 stages; each stage has a surprising variety of monsters for you to beat to death with your baseball bat.

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Is Ringo on FIRE??

These enemies can drop either health, points, or a pill that turns you into Bert for a limited time, allowing you to fly and shoot lasers which get more powerful as the game goes on! The enemies have a predictable respawn rate so if you find one that drops an item, just leave, come back and grind away!

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Pills are the only way you’ll get Bert to come out and party!

The true highlight of the game are the bosses. There are 3 in each stage (except stage 7 which has one) and you need to defeat them to get a key that unlocks the exit at the end of the level. These are probably some of the most unique boss designs I’ve seen on the NES. The difficulty ranges from a cool Dinosaur…who is dead so you don’t have to fight him…

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To my favourite battle in the game against, The Chameleon!

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6 camouflaged heads float around a camouflaged surface, only one is real, and if you’re not careful it will sneak up and deal serious damage! The only downside is that the majority of the bosses can be fought by standing still and hitting their projectiles back at them, which can make them a little boring.

Though all of these pale in comparison to the FINAL BOSS:

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What in the actual fuck is that???? His only weak spot is when his nose opens up to release eyeballs, because of course it does. I was lucky enough to be in Bert Mode while fighting him, so I beat him easily by hovering near his nose and firing like crazy.

So I won! Huzzah! Now to relax and watch the epilogue! Mark goes home and…what’s this? Bert gave him a present! Beeerrrrt!! You didn’t have to…there’s a Princess inside…not very PC nowadays but human trafficking was legal in 1989, so let’s move on…wait, the Princess is really a monster!?

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She attacks Mark! And…

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What the…

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AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

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WHATINTHEHELL?!?!?! HE’S DEAD!!

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Stop GOD stop he’s dead!! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

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But…it was a dream!! Suddenly there’s a knock at the door! It’s…Bert???

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“Let’s go again”? Ummmmmmm, I’m good, thanks…

This has to be one of the stranger games that I’ve played on the NES. Some of the enemies are just plain weird! It makes me wish that they put as much time into designing Mark as they did everything else. The Music isn’t anything special; one labyrinth level (which was impossible to navigate without a walkthrough) I had to play with the sound off.

Another great feature is the inclusion of a password system. Maybe it’s just me getting older or getting used to saving whenever I want on modern games, but it made the game a lot more doable, because trust me, after sitting though some of these trippy bosses, you’ll need a break!

The main story is really out there, and I feel is a product of translating Japanese to English a bit too literally (MOIST), some classic copyright infringement and A LOT of drugs! Should you get this? Well, I managed to nab this for $20, and honestly I wouldn’t pay any more than that, and I think it was money well spent for 2 evenings of game play.

So I guess the point I’m trying to make is that this is a really fun game, but a TERRIBLE party! Why is it called Monster Party??? THERE IS NO PARTY!!! Why not call it “Monster Planet”, or “Monster Battle”, even “Monster Get-Together”? It’s like saying, “Have you seen that new party movie? Star Wars???” Great movie, terrible party! Millions of people die, Muppets are everywhere…you get the idea.

But you can never go wrong with surprise face melting!

Till next time, PARTY ON!

Adamus Prime Rating: 4 / 5

Prime Thumbs up

Written by: Adam McNamara

Edited by: Jamie O’Connor

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